I would not hesitate to start a campfire and see what it yields but I also wouldn't expect it to yield what truly matters.

The modern (western) world provides very little bedrock for people to build a psychological foundation. We argue with our families, our employers can dump us at any time, we divorce our spouses, friends are always moving on or marrying off. Contrast that to the model of multi-generational family based ties which has endured throughout history and I have to wonder, is our society even going to last in its current form?

Sometimes I feel that it can be a lucrative trap to become invested in a single person, and then accumulate expectations that far outweigh the responsible obligations of any friendship.

This fixation on the spouse is kind of a modern oddity as well. In many societies past and present, your spouse, your parents, your kids, and maybe even your grandparents and grandkids are all of roughly equal importance.

edit: Asking because I'm having a hard time visualizing the metaphor applied to reality. Do you find/make friends ("campers"?) differently? Would they consider you a friend, or are these relationships more broad with less depth? How does maintaining the fire relate to maintaining friendships? Are you just a support person handing out favors with little expectation of reciprocity? If so does that feel fulfilling compared to deeply investing in a smaller number of people?

There is a fire which burns inside me, but no-one stays 'round long enough to warm themselves.

Knowing this, if you can truly remain steadfast in your positive outlook on life, then you have achieved true strength. Hard to do in an oversocialized world.

I've found the campfire model to produce a lot of mental distress and anguish, since no one is invested in anyone, there's no incentive to grow and as time passes, you start viewing these passing relationships as disposable.

Don't get me wrong, the campfire model is fine as an aspect of general hospitality, but to truly call these passersby your friends would not be correct. They don't contribute to your safety net, nor are you likely in turn to contribute to theirs.

Perhaps I'm not as selfless as you. I just want to be surrounded by people who have "skin in the game", because true friendship and a sense of camaraderie is only built through overcoming difficulties together.

Because sometimes that person who sits down at your fire is the person you have been waiting for, and only by making a seat for them were you able to ever meet

It's a nice analogy, but a little too romanticized for me.

Sometimes I feel that it can be a lucrative trap to become invested in a single person, and then accumulate expectations that far outweigh the responsible obligations of any friendship.

It's taken me a long time to realise that relationships are not symmetrical, and that they aren't supposed to be.

There are people who I feel very strongly towards (not necessarily romantically) who don't feel the same way back to me, and I'm certain that there are people who feel the same way towards me.

Relationships are also not permanent. People come in to your life, and sometimes fade from your life. This isn't a bad thing either, but just a reality. There are a lot of people who I was good friends with who I'm not really in contact with any more (generally because I moved to a different city/country or they did). We all have our own journey in life which intersects with others. Sometimes we run straight past each other and sometimes we run parallel for a while.

The quality of a relationship isn't measured in time. Some of the most genuine and meaningful interactions I've had have been with people I met only for a few days or even a few hours.

Sometimes I feel that it can be a lucrative trap to become invested in a single person, and then accumulate expectations that far outweigh the responsible obligations of any friendship.

I don't meen this cynically, but isn't this the entire idea behind modern marriage. (Of course marriage adds an expectation of reciprocity, which is what keeps us from viewing it as exploitative; and an expectation of exclusivity, which seems orthogonal)

Where did you learn this? My Google search didn't get that far

I seem to have forgotten the nasty, irrational and mean-spirited aspects of his personality. When I returned, I was reminded that our friendship and fun time was also dependant on his reckless and insensitive behavior, of which I've always resented, and tried to shed from my own life over the years.

Now that I'm back home, I'm remembering his full personality, and realizing what a chore it was putting up with sometimes.

“People are just as wonderful as sunsets if you let them be. When I look at a sunset, I don't find myself saying, "Soften the orange a bit on the right hand corner." I don't try to control a sunset. I watch with awe as it unfolds.”

Thank you for sharing.

Sometimes I feel that it can be a lucrative trap to become invested in a single person, and then accumulate expectations that far outweigh the responsible obligations of any friendship.

Lately I feel like this about traditional romantic relationships as well. After a while many people start developing expectations of the other person and assume that they will or can meet all of your needs, when that's actually pretty unrealistic. I was in a six year relationship when I noticed that my partner wasn't meeting my needs anymore, and that my expectations of him which had grown over the years weren't really aligned with a healthy reality; this applied the other way around as well in terms of my partner's expectations of me as a person who's changed over the years. I recently left the relationship and am now re-examining my own outlook on the traditional relationship models.

On the days that weigh us down, we can remember our meetings (however brief) with people who are open and/or kind and/or thoughtful - as well as those who responded to a dilemma with a helpful solution and without expectations of gain.

Calling such meetings 'mere romanticism' is to be blind to the fact that there is much about the world that we cannot comprehend. Sometimes coincidences pile up far beyond what the numbers declare possible. It's all lost on those who scoff ... and they may indeed die unnoticed.

Expectations aren't what friendship is about. A friendship is a little club where you conspire to make both your lives better

As a commenter said below: an avoidance of long-term commitments leads to a society that doesn’t plan very far into the future.