8:53 wake up. Hung over. Again. Meeting's in 7 minutes. Start a pot of coffee. Stumble back to the desk.

9:01 answer the Skype call, offer a quick "I'm here" before switching to mute so they won't hear the sounds of coffee brewing, much less the groaning.

9:12 carry around the laptop while starting laundry, then into the bathroom and out again. Nobody suspects a thing.

9:35 coffee's starting to work. A good thing too, have to say my piece. Short and sweet but not too gruff.

9:37 hangover's coming back for round 2. Get back in bed with Skype on low.

10:08 shower time. Really gotta buy drano soon. And toothpaste.

10:35 third cup o' joe. Start working.

The problem with stuff like this isn't that there are a lot of details, it's just that: they're details, not issues.

There's nothing wrong with details: all the little hacks that work for us that we can share and copy. They're fun and cool and can really help.

But make no mistake about it: details are not issues.

Examples of details:

  - when I wake up
  - what I eat
  - how I exercise
  - my set-up
  - my preferences
  - my life hacks
  - how my team is organized
  - how we communicate
  - what I read
  - where we go
  - tips & tricks

Examples of issues:

  - the value I produced for my paying customers

Frankly, I'd rather talk about issues.

  # hours after post:                                 7

  # comments in this thread only expressing how they 
    thought the "double stealth" bit was funny:       10

  # American Psycho references:                       3

  # top level comments providing absolutely no 
    information or any point at all[1]:               10

  # of reddit-style "one-up" threads[2]               5

jgc: Very funny but in the end I'm more disappointed beacuse of the responses here. This could have been a simple blog post and these comments probably better belonged as comments on your site.

[1]: perhaps including this one?

[2]: is there a name for this yet?

For fun, here's an actual account of my typical workday routine. I'm a married not-quite-exec with two toddlers managing a globally dispersed (9 countries, 14 time zones) IT department focusing mostly on appdev.

0550 Alarm (https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.mobitobi.a... -- I LOVE this app!!) goes off and I sneak out of the bedroom trying not to wake the 1 year old.

0551 Instant coffee in microwave & bio-needs-management. pull on shorts from previous day and clean t-shirt.

0600 prepare lunches & snacks for wife & kids

[0620-0630 optional time to catch up on email if I was adequately well-prepared in advance for food prep the night before]

0630 wake 1yo & wife. change diaper, dress, feed, and sunscreen 1yo.

0645 wake 3yo, usually with help from 1yo.

0705 wife leaves for work and i leave to drop off the kids at daycare/preschool.

0745-1630 lots of meetings, some real work, possibly some exercise, dinner prep, laundry, and possibly a couple of errands.

1630 pick up kids and proceed with the evening family craziness until putting them to bed around 2030.

2030-2230 fluctuates between doing the real work I couldn't get done during the work day and spending time with my wife. Usually more of the latter than the former, something I am extremely thankful for.

The point isn't the schedule. The point is that finding a work-life balance that accommodates productivity and supports happiness in both areas is a very personal thing, and as jgc's sarcasm shows it's ultimately about what one can accomplish and how one feels while working toward those accomplishments, not the self-congratulatory circle-jerk minutiae so many people focus on.

Brilliant. Reading the comments I cannot help but think of Poe's law (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poe%27s_law). Some poeple can't tell this is satire despite or maybe because of how ridiculous and over the top it is.

Thanks for this valuable insights! It's great to know that it's possible to run a wildly successful business and still have time for 15-minutes of one-on-one with your wife. You seem to love your family very much. I myself am trying to be a wildly successfully founder and it's very helpful to know how early you wake up and all your little secrets (I have a Trek Madone 4 too!). These are hte kind of innovations that will lift my startup into the VC cloud too!

Loving double stealth mode - is triple stealth when your VCs don't even know what your doing I wonder?

You forgot to include the picture of you charismatically laughing and showing how lighthearted and simultaneously laser-focused you are.

This reminds me of the American Psycho's introduction.

I laughed hard on this one.

>"Currently we're in double stealth mode (the public doesn't know what we're building and neither do we)."

"15 minutes on One on One Time"... Ha!

But seriously, I think "double stealth mode" deserves to officially enter startup lexicon.

To quote Louis CK's interview from Tuesday... it's WONDERFUL!

Oh this is spot on! There is far too much hipster drivel written about personal habits, lifestyles and fashion choices of founders as if building a successful company is largely determined by what kind of coffee you drink.

Likely because focusing on that is a lot easier than focusing on reality: It's hard work, takes extreme dedication and sacrifice. Much easier to pretend that certain types of yoga exercise are key factors....

Fantastic Parody. Though I wrote a real one on life at my startup here http://paraschopra.com/blog/personal/startup-an-emotional-ro...

I personally find honest accounts of day of life in any profession (not just startup, but a doctor, firefighter, airline pilot, ice cream vendor) very, very juicy and interesting. Gives a glimpse of what it is to live in a different life. Maybe a bit voyeuristic, but what better way to know if you would actually like a particular life / profession.

A friend of mine at Pierce and Pierce, Pat Bateman, recommends you always use a moisturizer with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your skin, and makes you look older. ;)

Sounds exactly like my day, except I get up an hour earlier to reread my favorite chapters of "Art of War" and I go to sleep an two hours later which I spend getting inspired by amazing TED talks or Udacity courses about one thing or another.

Touché :)

The writing style is scarily close to Bret Easton Ellis in American psycho. This could be the main character Patrick Bateman describing his morning routine.

Scary indeed..

Looking forward to Ryan Carson's response.

Should have included a bit about how I don't really care about the inner workings of the software, my job is to be the visionary.

"Currently we're in double stealth mode (the public doesn't know what we're building and neither do we)."

+1. That's excellent.

I did a google search for desks from South African railways, and didn't find anything. But you can get desks made with salvaged steel from American railways.

"The Telegraph Desk features sections of salvaged 70-pound Tennessee Coal, Iron and Railroad steel sliced into 1" and 4" sections to create "dashes and dots.""

http://www.railyardstudios.com/categories/desks-tables/sub_c...

Double stealth mode is the best thing I've heard all year.

Great read! But you should have gone more into detail, like where the Warren poster is exactly positioned. And really left your team in Timbuktu ot of the picture.

Like it! ;-)

I wonder what is the different between a CEO and founder in the small startups? Or its a matter of company structure?

I liked double stealth mode

For anybody who thinks this is a dig, it clearly isn't. It's just satire, and it's funny :)

I think you meant

0645 - 0700: 15 minutes of uninterrupted eye contact with Cassiopeia

Heheheh, brilliant stuff. Loved the double stealth :D

Brilliant. I'd like to read the SF version of it :)

What kind of water does your shower use? I personally only bathe in water from the local spring, as it helps me stay in-tune with nature.

Thanks for sharing your schedule. I use Skype and IRC to work with my remote teams too.

I don't really have a schedule per se. I do things whenever I want to. Luckily, I am in the mood to hack all day long. And when I wanna take a break, I go to the gym to clear my mind :).

For days that I am not the mood to hack, I decide to not touch a computer the whole day. PS that never happens :).

"0930 Shower and then spiritual time. I have a small shrine set up that allows me to focus on the important. I light an incense and gaze up at posters of Tim Ferriss, Kevin Rose and Warren Buffet." That's me! I always begin the day with looking at some stocks and the twitter steams from tim ferriss and kevin rose :)

Some infographics if you couldn't get enough of it (as if): http://www.inc.com/magazine/201109/inc-500-infographic-a-day...

s/Velocipede/Vooza

http://www.vooza.com/

John,

you just made my day.

Thank you

I think we all know which individual this is actually parodying :)

Double Stealth, love it.

geez if that's life my daytime is all screwed up :>

please, and i don't say this lightly, quit your day job. make a blog called "fake startup CEO", a la "fake steve jobs".

please. this is gold. i need more.

Feels like I'm watching a short film :) Thanks!

I only have one problem with this... There is no freakin way they were going an average of 30 mph on that bike ride. No way.

I really wanted to flag this, because I really don't think that it's constructive to engage in this kind of satire and what-not. How about put the other guy's shoes on for a minute, and ask yourself how you'd feel if you were the author of the post that inspired this one?

That said, this bit struck me as so funny that it (sort of) saves the thing:

Currently we're in double stealth mode (the public doesn't know what we're building and neither do we).

ROFLMFAO.

I like the Trek Madone part. I do the same type of "getaway" on my luch breaks and go for a 20 mile ride.

It's hilarious

Liked the names! Sound like dogs.

"at 2200 I'm in bed with a light cucumber mask"

Anyone else think of American Psycho when they read this?

funny little commentary

just 15 minutes for one on one? you're getting old .. ;-)

correction: iPhone 4GS is really just an iPhone 4S

I will not be happy with that way of life.

Double awesome!

lmao Nice one.

Ah, double stealth. I've been in that mode for awhile (except I call it "languishing").

Sounds about right