That's why, in order to change the kind of results you can get in life, you first of all need to change your problems. Good problems have good results; bad problems have bad results. To change your life into one where you continuously get good results, you need to find out how to formulate problems, and then you need to start making good problems for yourself.

It's not easy, but even though you were born with your existent consciousness, it is certainly possible to change your consciousness so that you can guide your life to a better "destiny". However, in order to do so, you need to obtain an enlightenment (realization), and then you need to study what exists in the reality that you can see through your enlightenment. Be careful of falsehood. No religions have any helpful teachings when it comes to enlightening yourself.

All your limbs work? You can hear and see?

It's all relative. These self-pity parties are generally counterproductive.

No girlfriend by 30 and struggling very hard to get through interviews in an industry in such high demand suggests you may need to spend more energy developing your social skills. That's fine, it's a muscle you flex and develop over time. If you can filter the annoying "bro culture" out of PUA literature (like "The Game" by Neil Strauss) and just focus on the personal development, I'm confident you're going to have an easier time socially. In turn you'll have an easier time in your career.

We play the hand we're dealt and we're only here for a short time (at least until we solve aging). Which leads to my last point. Life purpose. It's much easier going when you have one. Dive deep and discover why you're here, what you can really contribute to humanity. Stay focused.

The good news is that if you change yourself, your perspective, your thinking, and so forth, you'll be happy with what you have now, and with this happiness and self esteem, you'll find it much easier to accomplish things you want.

There's a lot of thinking on how to do so. Buddhists, the stoic philosophers, and modern psychologists will all tell you the same story.

I'm a recovering drug addict, so staying away from the kind of negative thinking you're engaging in is kind of a matter of life and death for me. This shit works.

Also, +1 to the folks suggesting improving your social skills: I started having decent social skills when I started feeling good enough about who I was that I honestly didn't give a fuck how others saw me.

Addendum: A huge problem for me was trying to approach this like a programming or math problem, and apply reason and intellect to it. Didn't work. You need a different set of cognitive skills to deal with it, but they're not hard to pick up if you try.

I guarantee your friends look up to you as "that guy" who pulled himself up by his bootstraps, overcome a lot of obstacles to put himself through college, ground it out through a tough job and then found the courage to go out and get a better one, etc. They probably wish they had your work ethic and grit.

Everyone presents an idealized version of themselves to the world and even, to a lesser extent, their friends and loved ones. See through the facade and be happy with what you have: a lot of people would love to have a college education, a job, money, and friends.

What I do when I get frustrated with the world is to call up good friends and just talk it through with them. They always remind me that no matter how good you think other people have it, that everyone is going through the same shit. It's good to have perspective.

I've also worked since 16, nobody covered my transportation or sent me to college. My childhood home was about the size of the garage for the home I now own as an adult. You are not defined by your family nor upbringing though they play a contributing role. But you're probably going to need some goals.

Think hard: What are you most passionate about in life? What are your aspirations?

Now think harder: Does the way you spend your time on a day-to-day basis match up against your passions? What are you doing to successfully achieve your goals and aspirations?

The simple response is "Because I need a job stupid." And I understand that, but the question is deeper than that. What are you bringing to this journey?

I could try to be a professional musician, I could practice on my instrument, I could listen to other musicians, I could try out for various musical groups to secure a position. It would be very hard for me and I would no doubt have only limited success. That would suck for me.

But I find programming computers to just "make sense" to me, I somehow can "see" all the steps between what I want and where I am and then turn those into code. It is "easy" for me and so I enjoy doing it.

So here is the key, I'm the same person, on one road it is hard and I struggle to succeed, on a different road it is easier and success comes quickly. I like to think about "systems" which are inter-connected mechanisms where the operation of one part affects all of the other parts. That is what I bring to the road. So walking the programming road is aided by what I bring, walking the musician road I don't have anything to offer.

Where are you going? What do you bring to the journey?

Find and do what you love, and the rest will come naturally. Good luck and stay positive, the world is your oister.

Whether it's a dollar spent on a lottery ticket that yielded millions of dollars, or it's one resume that got noticed by the right person, or it's one hello that led to a storybook romance.

You, in comparison, will have it hard.

Likewise, a billion people right now wake up with no electricity, no water, no food. Or they have some, but not enough. Or they have enough but the amount of manual labor and effort they put in to getting said resources takes a lot.

Whether it's trading their health, their dignity, or their honor for said resources.

You, in comparison, have it better and easier.

You are in the middle of this game that's lasted for the entirety of humanity.

The game is also built upon perception and presentation. Meaning many others purposely spend themselves dedicated to presenting themselves to others as successful and happy while hiding the ugliness. It's conditioned into us from parenting, schooling, and advertising.

Any deviance is seen as something to run away from. Any failure seen as bad. Hard work and struggling itself isn't valuable, success from hard work and struggling is lauded.

Your choices are to focus harder and harder on what you don't have or to focus on adding to your life. One good strategy for adding to your life is helping others with no expectations. Detachment from expectations is most important, as that's what causes suffering when your expectations and reality do not match up.

The choice is yours.

There are some people who have to swim through this and fight it out in the hope they will better off in the future.

>When I look at my colleagues, friends I feel like many of them have it quite easy.

A million things matter in these sort of things, unfortunately luck is one of them. Different people get launched into life from different launch pads. Out of sheer luck, people get born to rich parents. Such people are always going to have an edge over the rest of us. There are people who are going to be simply lucky to get a good boss, or ride a economic wave, or just be the right person at the right time at the right place.

If you haven't been that lucky so far, unfortunately merely hard work can't make up for all things in life.

I would suggest you work towards your own goals than comparing yourself with your colleagues. Because remember no matter how fast you go on the high way, there will always be vehicles ahead of you.

Btw, I would like to redirect you to your original post. You are only talking about the things that you do not like. Starting focusing on things that you do like and your life will take that direction. :)

I was born christian and 10+ years ago lost my faith and became a "non believer". I had a few scares during my wife's pregnancy a few months ago and I remember waiting outside the emergency room and wandering what to do. I didn't believe in God or anything, I had nothing to comfort me or give me hope. Then I realized "I am not strong enough to be an atheist". Don't get me wrong, I didn't overnight turn into a devout christian but I started doubting my doubts and my lack of faith and re-examining a few things.

Fast forward a couple of months and my twins were born and I wanted to baptize them. A good friend of mine told me why bother if you don't believe. When we baptize in our church we have to raise our right hand, face the alter and accept the trinity. I didn't want to be a hypocrite and do that knowingly that I didn't believe. So I went and talked to the priest and told him how I felt. I asked him to recommend books to help me "convert back", help me believe. Surprisingly, he told me "what's the point? anything you read, you will question, doubt and read with the intention to find holes" so his only recommendation is to pray once a day and read one chapter from the new testament every day. He told me I don't have to understand or believe what I am reading but he told me to do it for a month and see what happens. I am 2 weeks into it. It's hard. I still don't 100% believe. But there is something changing. I don't know what it is but I will continue with this journey and see where it leads me.

On a side note, I read a fantastic book that answered a ton of my questions - it is called The Reason For God by Timothy Keller. Very easy read and targets people like us - educated and secular with tons of doubt.

I know these are not solutions to your problems but maybe you will find comfort and hope in christianity.

PS: Please keep the "religion hate" speech to a minimum - I have heard it all - actually I have said it all :)

Let me give you a little thought exercise.

Imagine you were born in a different country and time than the one that you are in right now. Imagine that country is under occupation by an oppressive regime and you have no voice, no rights, no freedom whatsoever. Imagine that every day your family, friends and those you know are living under threat of imprisonment or death. In addition to that imagine that you are at a time when the state of medicine hasn't advanced beyond blood letting and cupping as the most advanced techniques to fight disease.

Now stop and think. Other than the medicine part there are various parts of the world where this scenario is the daily truth.

Granted you feel poor and need to struggle through everyday life.

Can I ask you a few questions 1. Can you see, hear, smell and speak? 2. Do you have the use of all your limbs? 3. Can you afford a daily meal? 4. Do you have some decent shelter? 5. Do you have access to healthcare? 6. Do you have access to basic facilities such as clean running water and toilets?

I think if you can answer yes to most of those questions, you are probably not a 1 percenter, but you may be better off than 30% to 40% of the world's population.

You have every right to bemoan your fate but it's all relative.

There's always someone in worse shape than you.

Thank your respective deity if you are so inclined that you are not in worse shape than you are in. It could be a lot worse.

I can say this: most people I know have never been poor, and this is a large part of why they cannot identify with problems I have. Being poor is a life-changer in so many ways and it has so many secondary and tertiary effects that others just don't get it cause they haven't been there.

Try writing down the life you want, then break down the steps it would take to get there (or get somewhat close to where you can be satisfied), then ask yourself if you really want to be twice your age and still lamenting about all the same things. It may light a fire under you or, in the least, alter your perspective going forward.

If you are coming from a mindset of lack then that's all you're going to notice and all you'll see is everything that you don't have and how everyone that has more than you.

Seeing people people that you think don't have to struggle for anything and watching them take their life for granted can be terribly frustrating and depressing.

As others have said though, you really don't know what is going on behind the scenes of the people that you envy. All you see is a very controlled facade that they put on in public.

There are many struggles in life but there are also many things to be grateful for and you can be grateful for what you have without thinking about how life could be worse.

even if it "could be worse" your feeling are still valid, just don't let yourself get to in your head though.

can you find any good from your situation?, have you built any positve characteristics from a life of adversity?.

I find when dealing with any struggle in life be it big or small, all you need is to look at things from a different angle(much easier said than done) but once you change your mindset in how you will deal with life then maybe things don't seem as bad.

Now I have the opportunity to achieve something in my life and share my experiences with the world with the hope that next generation is more kind to people from poor countries. It definitely helps to have girlfriend for emotional and physical needs. But racism is still present and affects dating also it is harder for men than it is for women. Unfortunately, being a brown male with an accent is just hard. You should continue to work hard and make a good career for yourself, do things that please you and make you happy. Happiness is contagious. If you are truly happy and passionate about what you are doing, its very likely you will be successful and attract women, money and much better personal life.

This is one of my favorite songs, listen to it when you are down:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2Wx230gYJw

At any rate, I love that you are not giving up. Keep at it. The fact that you are asking means this is nothing you can't take with dignity. You will breakthrough. Keep at it.

The paradigm of the present society seems to be ultra-competitive "meritocracy". By that token, it fails to value a substantial portion of its citizens.

1] Self (both inherent genetics, the fruit of prior decisions and difficulties which we seek out)

2] Your Circle (family, friends, coworkers, neighbors; think about the things those people do to you, the difficulties that you experience when someone close to you has their own life blow up, and difficulties that you willingly take on because you love someone close to you)

3] Society (your time and place in human history and culture, war & peace, societal level cycle of economic recession or boom times and more)

4] Nature (natural conditions such as storms, floods and drought may impact you)

5] Accidents (lapses in attention, stupid decisions by strangers and sheer randomness can dramatically change your life)

6] Controversial Category - Cosmic or Supernatural forces, ranging from notions of karma to spirits of the world, to ancestral spirits or monotheistic belief systems.

Understanding the sources of our difficulties does not make them go away but it can help us identify which ones we have leverage to change, which ones we can only change through relational cooperation, which ones will likely pass with time and those difficult circumstances over which we have no power and must come to a place of peace and acceptance.

Difficulties can be the key stimuli for personal growth or they can be the seed of bitterness which consume our mind, emotions and will with discouragement, anger, jealousy and despair.

Some would say that religion has nothing useful to say about these matters. I am not saying that every religion has something useful, in fact on various relevant points religions may disagree about sources and solutions. But we should not imagine that we are the first, or wisest in human history to have struggled with these hard questions.

Please don't give up. Search, work, try, experiment and grow.

There are plenty of people who have a hard time finding a job they like or a partner they like. Your friends are just a small sample of the people of the world. You're lucky that you envy their position, actually. They sound like the kinds of people you can talk to about how to achieve what you want.

Another note: the more you manage to climb the greasy pole, the more it seems insurmountable. I've never met a high achiever who didn't think it was hard getting there.

As for specific things you can do, you need to take on an abundance mentality; there are plenty of both jobs and girls, there's no make-or-break moment with either. Everything flows from there. You have choice.

For inspiration you can read this article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/25/successful-people-o... and know that you're not alone in "the struggle".

Bon courage mon ami.

A bad first roommate, a bad first relationship, job etc. Why are these experiences bad? Well, mostly because we didn't know what we were looking for at the time. I think we all have some idea of what would make us happy, but a lot of the time, we need these experiences so we can appreciate the better things that come, if and only if we are willing to seek them and not give up.

So you've never had a girlfriend, its something to look forward to. You should also use the desire for companionship to put yourself into situations to make it possible. I was engaged at one point and it ended with the girl essentially cutting off contact without saying anything. It was only when I called her and told her I wanted to call of the engagement, she started making excuses. We hadn't talked for three months at that point -- she wouldn't call or return my calls.

My point of telling you that story is that I know my self worth has nothing to do with the way she treated me. And I continue to seek out a partner who will be more of a help than a hinderance -- as my ex was. But I'm still alive and motivated to keep going, I think that's all you need in life.

I'm also working on a dating app, I have been working on it for close to three months now and it hasn't been released because I keep getting to a certain point, scrapping it and starting over. Some API's I depend on don't work as I'd like, or I find myself unhappy with the design. But I'm at it again, and this time I hope to finish it and release it on the app store, because it will help other people out there.

This is getting kinda long, but my point is that in life, the most important qualities a person can have are hope and resilience. You obviously have both, otherwise you would never persist where others have failed miserably.

For all the success stories you hear in social media, there are countless others who give up and never try again. And for all those successes, they never tell you how many times they tried other ventures and failed. If I finished my app within the next month, you would never hear about the rest of the time where I wasn't sure it would ever see the light of day.

Keep on goin'

All the rest, as they say, c'est la vie. Striving, wanting, yearning is absolutely a part of the human condition. Good luck in all your struggles.

If you are feeling depressed or frequently anxious, which you may be, I would suggest finding a therapist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy. They use a scientific approach to help you deal with problems of depression or social anxiety, and they can also act as a coach to keep you motivated as you overcome these issues.

If applying to jobs and making friends isn't any easier after thousands of failures, you're not using failure as a learning experiment and your situation will never improve unless you recognize what it is that you're doing that's preventing you from having the kind of success you want to have.

When you are happy, lots more things become possible. One of the greatest riches you can have is a good friend or two. Being happy makes friendships possible and that sort of feeds back on itself making you happier.

A couple of my closest friends suffered from depression (one of them was crying at work at least once a week). They got medication and it made a world of difference.

Consider seeing a doctor, especially if you find yourself "self medicating" to try and cope.

Honestly, I have some of the same struggles as you. Work hard and you can fix most of problems. It takes time. Learn from your past.

Start with a couple of goals for the year. Like become more financially stable, make friends/find a girlfriend, or find a new hobby. If you're out of shape try to get in shape. Those things will give you boost. Think about what's important to you right now and prioritize that. Everyone moves at different paces; there aren't any hard rules for life.

When I look at my colleagues, friends I feel like many of them have it quite easy.

The most difficult thing is Mastering one's own psychology. I'm sure if you surveyed your friends and colleagues, each of them is struggling with their own issues.

Horowitz talks about this in his recent book> http://techcrunch.com/2014/03/03/the-hard-thing-about-hard-t...

Success in life also requires a heavy repetition and grind-out quotient> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBG57W_qFMA

Don't get me wrong. I don't think there is something wrong, but growing up in a difficult environment, shapes your view of your surroundings and judge it different than others. This are your experiences, you base your decisions on. If these judgments do not align with your surrounding, you will encounter disappointment.

A therapist will be able to ask you questions, which will open your mind to different point of views, which gives you the possibility to make different decisions.

Wish you all the best!

P.S.: I hope this is not offending, that's the last I want to express. English is not my mother tongue...

We are here to play the roles that is given to us. You may think that some people born lucky but in reality the luck is just relative. You may consider yourself unlucky or always struggling but what if you have live it and it makes you stronger for better life. Trick is just not quitting.

I feel like many of them have it quite easy.

A lot of them might be hiding their own struggles and problems.

I habe a similar background as you. in a nutshell, I can recommend to keep your focus on how to improve your situation. You get more of what you focus on, so focus on bettering your life, be nice and gentle to yourself, and things should slowly improve.

I can also recommend some of the techniques in this book here (albeit I don't sibscribe to the whole NLP field). Take it with a grain of salt, basically try it out and see if some of this works for you or not:

Know How: Guided Programs for Inventing Your Own Best Future

http://www.amazon.com/Know-How-Programs-Inventing-Patterning...

When you need inspiration look up, when you need gratitude look down.

- Most people are bound to be about average, that's how averages work. In life you've probably been through a couple of "selection procedures" (for lack of a better term) that redefine this average for you personally. Very early in life, the average is low. People with an intellectual disability get "filtered out" and end up in special care, and the average rises. After primary school (and I'm basing myself off of the Belgian school system, which I'm most familiar with), you start specialising. Some people choose a very hands on education (woodworking, mechanic, etc.) which doesn't require the same intellectual capabilities as, what we call, general education (lots of science, Latin, Greek, etc.). The average changes. Then you might go to higher education and choose between high school or university. The average changes. I hope you get the point by now: depending on how good (and I've focused purely on intellectual capability, you might focus on another quality) you are, you will find a very high or very low average. Whatever path people choose, they are bound to be around the about average in their path.

- Something that fits quite well with the previous point, is how high you've set your personal standard. I'm not here to tell you whether or not your standard is too high or too low, you have to decide that for yourself. But consider that someone aiming to be a top theoretical physicist is going to have a much harder time achieving his standard than someone aiming to have a family, dog and house, without struggling financially. This person is again going to have a much harder time achieving their standard, compared to someone living in a poor village in Africa, just wanting to not be starving. (And you might argue that person in Africa will have a much harder time not starving than an average male white American getting a house with a family and a dog, but that's besides the point)

- Keep this standard higher than your current personal level. It will keep you wanting to become better at whatever you're doing. But keep it realistic, that will prevent you from becoming hopeless about never reaching a certain standard.

- Just because people tell you you should be happy for not being that starving person in Africa, doesn't mean they're right. They're not entirely wrong either; there are people who have it a lot worse than you'll ever have. But someone else's struggles and troubles do not negate your own.

- There's also something that's known as selection bias[0]. This fits quite nicely with point one and two. Because of the standard you've chosen for yourself or the average you've ended up comparing against, you will have a tendency to see all the people doing better than you, and ignoring those doing worse than you. Again, this doesn't mean your struggle is irrelevant. It's just something to keep in mind when comparing yourself against others.

- But then again, is there any point in comparing yourself against others? A nihilist[1] might say it doesn't matter what you do in your life. That there is no inherent value to anything you do or achieve. That there is no particular meaning to life. Maybe you can find yourself in this reasoning?

- Think about relocating. Paying those college fees might not have been hard in Belgium. Up until this academic year, higher education cost about 650-700 Euro per year. Even less if your household earns less than a certain amount. Fees as low as 150 Euro are possible for a year of higher education.

- A silly example from my own life, incorporating some points I previously made: Take a look at my English. I wasn't born in an English-speaking country, never lived in one either. I think there is still a lot to be improved about my English. But compare my English to what you might see in the comments on certain websites. Is my English really that bad (especially when keeping in mind it's not my mother tongue). Then compare my English to what you might see in a work of Shakespeare. Is it even worth learning more if I'll never reach that level of English? But in the end: does it even matter how good my English is, as long as I can get my point across?

[0]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selection_bias

[1]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nihilism

Focus in the right things.

You do this and the world is yours.

* Bad professional environments are the norm. Good ones are the exception. As you have experience of the bad you will hopefully develop a set of filters to avoid getting another job at the bad ones.

IMO If you look for companies that are very profitable (good $ profit per employee) you won't go to far wrong. Lack of cash can make a company very perverse!

* Changing jobs always takes time. 3 months is fairly quick. It depends what city you are in and your specialty. Changing job isn't easy for anyone. Usually takes me 3 months actually.

* No girlfriend by 30? Maybe more common than you think, especially in IT. Once you have one you will find you have a lot less time for things you are passionate about. You need to manage your own time vs. time for the relationship. Let alone what having children does to that dynamic. Want to go travelling for a year? You can do it easily with no ties, no one to negotiate with.

Another positive spin is that you now have the wisdom at nearly 30 to make an excellent choice for your partner. I'm not sure what your M.O. is but I suggest if you are shy like me then don't try to chat up women in bars, or straight ask women out (then you have the pressure of a 'date') etc. but just make friends with women.

And at 30 your target are range for women means you have a lot of choice.

* You colleagues may not have had it easy. Even if they have they are at a disadvantage. Once you overcome your current obstacles you will be someone who is good at overcoming obstacles, and you will accelerate beyond what the ones that 'had it easy' will ever achieve.